Mom, Is Christmas Here Yet?

12th December, 2008 - As of today, its going to be another 12 more days before a fat individual comes flying from the depths of the North Pole; who in fact - enslaved creatures the size of midgets to manufacture items based on his demands. His departure from the North Pole will cause irregular radar signals on major civilian and military airport worldwide as he goes about with his random travel patterns in and out of international airspace.

Going by the name of "Santa", this man is hunted by animal rights activists for enslaving and forcing wild forest stags to do his bidding (he is facing pending charges of utilizing the services of an intoxicated driver - based on eyewitness reports last year...) further adding to his crime, he travels at the speed of light to deliver millions of products within a days duration, which beats even the best express-delivery service found in the world today... most likely he'll be issued hundred of thousands of traffic summons due to his illegal speeding.

As he travels towards locations around the world, he is well known for his biased reputation - only providing his goods to children with a good history of deeds and well behaviour... whereas those children who are bad - having reasons coming from broken or dysfunctional backgrounds, are most likely to be neglected by this man and will not receive anything...

He has the uncanny ability to recall exact events for each child as though he's a stalker - despite his denial; relating such abilities as magical, he could very well be a suspected pedophile - finding and recalling each young child's particulars by mere thought... and one things for sure, he has been well renowned for taking advantage of married women should they catch him off guard at night... at most, he is every husband's nightmare; according to one child's testimony as he woke up from his sleep one Christmas eve...

With having eye reports from witnesses to his figure, authorities are baffled as to his ability to slide down his trademark break-in methods which is through the household chimney. Police have high suspicions that he may have a "thinner", more able, accomplice. To date, there are numerous of unreported break-ins by this man alone and he is wanted on uncountable accounts of illegal break-in and trespassing on private property. Media officials reported the man carrying a huge sack of items, which police cannot confirm as to whether the contents belong to him or are they stolen from the households he breaks-in. Worldwide security is jeopardized as the contents in his sack have not gone under stringent security checks for any dangerous air-borne bio-hazards... he is also on charges of traveling without an aviation license neither does he have any airport permits.

He has so far has not caused any aircraft casualties with the unbelievable speed he is assumed to be driving around. In addition to this, there have been no human casualties resulting from the products he distributed, but critics are still skeptical as to what kind of dangers that could be hidden in those distributed products. He's even gaining the popularity of citizens; influenced admirers that copy him by dressing up as him in an effort to make investigations harder for police in apprehending him during the festive season. So far all arrests have led to various false identities... the real Santa is still at large; roaming free. He is reportedly to be married but according to accounts from a woman's rights activist group, he is caught fooling around with Mexican girls under the nickname: "Santarina". He purposely tailors their clothing to match his with a few exceptions; that they're wearing short skirts with pantyhose lingeries for his personal amusement... its no wonder he's often shouting: "HoHoHo!"

So there you have it folks, beware this individual known as Santa Claus... for he might just show up breaking-in past your doorstep, this Christmas Eve...